A Different Type of Furry Little Problem
by blue artemis
Summary: Hermione gets quite a bit more than she bargained for when she takes Crookshanks as her familiar.


_Polyjuice __should __never __be __combined __with __anything __but __human __hair__. __Animal __hair __can __cause __an __incomplete __transformation__, __and __magical __creature __hair __may __completely __change __a __witch __or __wizard __down __to __the __level __of __blood__, __bone __and __magic__._

_~Moste__Potente__Potions__  
_

Hermione never told anyone how she felt after the tainted Polyjuice wore off. It wouldn't have helped. Millicent didn't own a cat; she owned a _Kneazle_. Magical animal hair and Polyjuice do not mix. Hermione only knew she didn't really need as much light to see in the dark. She also could tell if someone was hiding something from her. Oddly enough, she also could see auras. She learned to control it quickly – she figured she might go mad otherwise. She saw the look Professor Snape gave her when he thought she wasn't looking. He knew it had been a Kneazle.

* * *

_Kneazles __know __when __they __meet __their __match__. __Unlike __cats__, __Kneazles __choose __a __mate __for __life__, __usually __one __who __is __very __magically __compatible__. __It __may __take __a __while__, __and __they __do __find __cats __to __be __suitable __distractions__, __but __even __half__-__Kneazles __display __the __same __urge __to __find __a __true __mate__._

_~Magical __Domestic __Pets __and __Familiars__.__  
_

When she walked into Magical Menagerie her third year, Crookshanks called out to her. Literally.

"Come on, beautiful girl, you know you want to take me home!"

Crooks knew it would take a deeper bond before she could understand him completely, but she got the gist of it.

"Oooh, look at that gorgeous cat, Mum! He's calling to me," Hermione said.

Her mother looked at the squashed-face, bandy-legged tom and shrugged. She remembered the one-eyed mongrel pup she had loved as a girl.

"You can have him for half-price, girly. And I will throw in a nice bowl and carrier. Oh, and some Kneazle treats," said the shopkeeper.

"Really?"

"Yes, luv. That half-Kneazle has been here for quite a few years. He's not too old, not for a Kneazle, but he's eating me out of the shop. You are the first one he's taken a liking to, so I'm glad you want him."

Hermione walked out of the store, cat cradled in her arms, face buried in thick ginger fur. The beast should have been angry about the way he was being carried, considering he was practically half the girl's size, but he was purring in contentment.

_This __girl__'__s __aura __is __almost __a __perfect __match __for __mine__. __I __hope __she __figures __out __I__'__m __no __ordinary __half__-__Kneazle __before __she __marries __someone __else__. __I__'__m __going __to __have __to __contain __my __curiosity__... __I __don__'__t __think __she__'__ll __take __it __well __if __she __grows __up __with __me __being __the __proverbial __Peeping __Tom__.__  
_

Hermione could feel her magic settling when she held her new pet. She had hopes that he might be a familiar and not just a pet. _I __see __how __Harry __is __with __Hedwig__. __I __want __that __kind __of __relationship__._

Crookshanks hated Scabbers on sight. _I __remember __that __stench__. __Pettigrew__! _His anger at the traitor made him attempt to attack through the bars of his carrier.

Of course, all Ron saw was that Hermione's new pet was trying to eat his rat. He should have realized there was a problem when the charms and wards protecting the pets and familiars failed.

A few weeks into the school year, about the time it would take to walk to the Highlands from Surrey, the big black dog showed up. "Sirius, is that you?"

"Little brother?"

"In the furry flesh, Siri! Good to see you aren't in Azkaban."

Just then, the brothers were interrupted by Hermione, who had been searching for her pet.

"Crooks, there you are! Who's your friend?"

"Just a nice dog, beautiful. Be nice to him, he needs a friend."

Hermione only got the feeling that the dog was to be trusted.

After the incident in the Shrieking shaft, when the identity of the various Animagi was revealed, Hermione and her friends were sitting in the common room discussing the events.

"I told you Crookshanks was a good judge of character," Hermione said.

"Yeah, yeah, fine, Hermione," groused Ron. "You're always right and so's your pet."

From his spot in front of the fire, Crookshanks observed the group, feeling a bit left out and lonely. The trauma of the attack by the Dementors and his imprisonment had affected Sirius's mind – he had forgotten all about his little brother. But in a way, Crookshanks didn't mind. He didn't need the girl thinking he was another Pettigrew.

A week later Professor Snape asked Hermione to stay behind after class. She worried a bit about what she could have done wrong. Gathering her courage, she approached his desk with as much bravado as she could muster.

"Miss Granger."

"Yes, Professor Snape?"

"I understand that your friends are not the brightest of flames, but you need to be more careful. You are very lucky I'm a good actor."

Hermione smiled at the taciturn man. She knew he would never reveal that she managed to catch him when he was hit with all those stunners. She had picked up a bit of speed and strength. Her connection to the Kneazle within was strengthening.

* * *

_It __is __generally __thought __that __Kneazles __are __telepathic __with __each __other__. __A __pride __can __appear __seemingly __out __of __nowhere __when __one __of __their __own __is __in __trouble__. __And __Merlin __forbid __anyone __get __in __the __way __of __a __mated __pair__... __pure __chaos__. ~__Magical __Domestic __Pets __and __Familiars_

The voices were getting too loud. With three times the normal amount of people in the castle the snippets of thoughts that Hermione had started to pick up were getting overwhelming.

She decided to waylay Professor Snape during his evening rounds. Just as he was walked past the alcove she was hiding in, Hermione stepped out. Only her reflexes kept her from getting hexed.

"Bloody Hell, Miss Granger, I almost killed you!"

"But you didn't." Hermione took a deep breath; asking this man for help was not easy. "Sir, I know the Tri-Wizard tournament is taking everyone's attention, but I need help. You always seem so controlled."

"What do you need from me, Miss Granger?"

"A way to control my thoughts and magic. I thought I had control over this ability to see auras, but with all these new people in the castle, I'm afraid I'm going mad. I'm starting to pick up thoughts, and Ron and Harry with their jumbled minds are only making it worse!"

"I can't see how those idiots would make anything bett—" Snape let off when he realized how close to breaking Hermione was. "Fine, Miss Granger. I will give you a few books on Occlumency. It may help."

"Thank you, sir."

When Crooks realized that Severus was helping Hermione, he became his second favorite person in the castle.

Hermione was quite amused when she noticed the bottom of Snape's billowy robes covered in familiar orange hair.

"Imperious thing," Severus complained one evening, when Crookshanks had accosted him in his study. "You remind me of a Black. Mostly of Bella, before she went entirely insane."

Crookshanks stared at Severus. Then he promptly lifted his tail, showing off the fact that he could _never_ have been Bella.

Severus threw his head back and laughed. "That was the same reaction I got the day I told Regulus he was pretty enough to be a girl."

Crooks leaped onto his lap and stared Snape straight in the eye.

Snape recoiled from the images that flooded his head and jumped to his feet, throwing off the ginger beast in the process. Rubbing his temples, he snarled: "Bloody hell, Black! Never do that again. And what in Merlin's name are you doing as Hermione Granger's pet?"

_"__Prrrt__, __psspt__, __meow __Meow __MEOW__!"__  
_

"Idiot. I don't speak Kneazle, and you may never look me in the eye again. Cat brains and human brains do not mix."

Crookshanks hissed and spit.

"Fine—" Snape broke off and paled, then flushed a rather unbecoming shade of purple. "Bloody hell, please don't tell me the girl is your mate?"

Crooks stared.

Severus heaved a heartfelt sigh. "Wonderful. The Gryffindor Golden Girl is mated to a supposedly dead Black who is stuck in his Animagus form. How the bloody hell am I supposed to fix this?"

Crookshanks jumped into an empty cauldron that was sitting on a nearby bookshelf.

"Oh, don't think I wouldn't love to turn you into potion ingredients, Reg. You were annoying as a boy, and you are annoying as a familiar."

_"__HSSSS__!"__  
_

"Would you stop that? I know, make you a potion. Let's see, no small order. You don't ask much, do you?" Severus saw his sarcasm was lost on the feline. "As if I didn't have enough to do as it is, protecting Potter and trying not to kill the headmaster before he orders me to..." Severus gave up and sighed.

Crooks jumped back into Severus's lap, purring and rubbing up under his chin.

"Be glad I like the girl."

Crookshanks glared.

"Not like that, idiot. Take a good look at her next time. You know what my grandmother looked like."

_"__Prrrpit__?"__  
_

"No, I can't tell her. Not now. She certainly doesn't need to have that notoriety in addition to anything else going on. But if it matters, do let her know her uncle does care for her, would you?"

Crooks nodded solemnly. Family was family. He was quite pleased with this addition to his pride.

* * *

_Kneazles __are __cunning__, __often __feigning __injury __or __distress __to __trap __a __predator__. ~__Magical __Domestic __Pets __and __Familiars__  
_

"Yes, you idiotic furball, of course I'm proud of her", Severus told Crookshanks with some exasperation. Once again the Kneazled wizard had waited for Severus in his study. "Leading that maniac to the centaurs was brilliant. Vicious and brilliant. I couldn't ask for a better niece. I'm lucky none of the others realize that the only cure for Dolohov's curse involves blood magic. Had she been as alone in this world as they all thought, she would have been dead in a matter of months."

_"__Prrpt__!"__  
_

"Don't worry. I will take good care of her."

_"__Meow__!"__  
_

"Yes, yes. You're welcome. After all we both have a vested interest in her well-being. Considering how that Weasley pup has been hanging around, I am glad she's already mated to someone I could tolerate. Now, are you going to tell me what you did to your brother?"

Crookshanks just put his tail in the air and sauntered out of Snape's quarters. He couldn't explain without looking into his eyes, and Severus would not allow that. Crookshanks purred. All things considered, his mate had behaved beautifully the entire year.

* * *

_A __young __Kneazle __may __become __confused __by __its __connection __to __its __mate__, __and __misplace __its __affections __for __a __while__. __In __general__, __though__, __the __mate__-__to__-__mate __attraction __always __overcomes __any __mistaken __affection__. ~__Magical __Domestic __Pets __and __Familiars_

"_Oppungno__!"__  
_

Ron was chased away by a flock of angry canaries. Hermione sat on the steps with Harry, seeking comfort.

"Hermione, you know I love you like a sister, right?"

"Yes, Harry. Why are you saying that?"

"Ron may have been my first friend, but he doesn't treat you right. Don't settle, please. You deserve true happiness."

Hermione hugged Harry tightly. "Thanks, Harry."

From his vantage point in the alcove above the staircase Severus Snape looked down at Crookshanks. "Yes, yes, he's a good-hearted boy, far better than his father. Now, I know you are fidgeting because she became an adult last week. Are you planning to reveal yourself?"

Crookshanks just looked pained. He wasn't certain what he was going to do.

Snape chuckled as he walked off. This relationship between Regulus and Hermione would most likely be the best entertainment he would have all year, considering what Albus was planning.

Meanwhile, Ron and Lavender learned to stay far away from Crookshanks, considering he would shred whatever he came in contact with anytime either of them insulted Hermione. Lav had no idea how she was going to explain the need for so many new clothes.

Hermione and Harry were in the Room of Requirement practicing spells one afternoon in spring. They were waiting for Professor Snape, who'd given up his free evenings for months now to help the pair with their spell-casting

"I can't believe the Headmaster was so craven to ask Professor Snape to kill him," said Hermione bitterly.

Her kneazle instincts had kicked in a few times around the Headmaster, and being Hermione, she couldn't resist solving the puzzle. Harry thought she was acting strange, and taking a break from following Draco, followed Hermione right to Severus's quarters, where he watched the two interact in an almost familial fashion. He burst out from under the cloak, and after almost being hexed within an inch of his life, swore to keep the secrets he learned from anyone. It helped Harry and Hermione get closer, and Ron, well, he had chosen his way.

"I know," replied Harry. "And after all the help he's given the two of us this year. I don't think I'm a good enough actor to keep his cover intact much longer."

_"__Mrrow__!"__  
_

"Yes, Crooks, I know. I have to work on it." Harry laughed at the cat's antics.

Hermione laughed with him. Then, for a lark and because it couldn't do any harm and because she really had to practice her wand movements, she twirled her wand in a complicated figure of sixty-nine and ninety-six, pointed it at Crooks and said: _"__Animagus __Revelio__!"__  
_

Timing is everything: Snape had just finished his rounds and was about to enter the room the moment Hermione finished her spell.

He froze, staring at Hermione and Harry gaping open-mouthed at Crooskhanks – or rather at the good-looking, naked man standing in the Kneazle's place.

Immediately Regulus put his hands straight up in the universal sign of surrender. Three wands were pointed at him, and more than one of the persons around him were known to hex first and ask questions later.

"Bloody hell! Put your hands down, for Merlin's sake. Why did her spell work when mine didn't?" asked Snape.

Regulus quickly covered himself. "You did try that potion yesterday, Severus," Regulus reminded the potions master. "Maybe that did the trick in combination with the spell?"

"You may be right, Reg; you may be right." Snape shook his head in astonishment.

Hermione was taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself.

"Hermione, are you alright?" asked Harry.

"If Professor Snape was trying to help him, I guess he means no harm…" Hermione trailed off. Her expression warred between confusion and concentration as she was trying to make sense of what happened. "He looks a lot like Sirius, don't you think?" she said finally.

"Um, yeah." Harry tried not to stare at the naked man too much. "Actually, he really does."

Regulus took that moment to introduce himself and bowed politely, hands still strategically placed. "Hi. I'm Regulus Arcturus Black. Nice to meet you."

"Are you related to Sirius?" asked Harry.

"Yes, he's my older brother."

"Is? You know he died last year!" Harry's grief was still raw.

Regulus looked pained. "You do know we are Blacks, right? The family magics are quite powerful. Sirius isn't dead. But I was forced to banish him to Black Island. He's being well cared for until we can clear his name."

"How could you banish him halfway around the world?" Hermione asked, obviously familiar with the island Regulus referred to.

"He was fighting a family member; that is not appropriate behaviour for the _pater __familias__._ Every Black male knows the spell to break up fights within the family. When I realized that was the only option to save his life, I didn't hesitate."

Hermione bit her bottom lip while she considered this explanation, then she nodded and blushed. "And why do I want to curl up in your lap instead of hexing you?"

"Oh, too much information, Hermione. I didn't need to hear that!" declared Harry.

Snape chuckled.

Regulus shifted on his feet, flushing from his toes to his ears. "What do you know of Kneazles and their mates?"

Hermione gasped and gaped at him, wide-eyed. For several heartbeats everyone in the room seemed to hold their breath. All three men stared at Hermione. Finally, Hermione swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Then she slowly raised her right hand and held it out to him palm up.

Regulus mirrored her movement until his hand was just millimeters over hers, palm down.

Little sparks of magic started jumping between their two hands, moving faster and faster until they coalesced into an infinity band surrounding both wrists.

Harry started when Snape smoothly brought his wand down over their magically joined wrists and declared: "The house of Prince accepts the betrothal of their youngest daughter to the house of Black."

With that, the magical infinity band split in two and sunk into Hermione and Regulus's flesh.

Regulus got a rather predatory look on his face and leaned down to Hermione. "I seal my promise with a kiss," he whispered, then followed words with action.

Hermione's toes curled. She purred. That sound startled her enough to jerk back.

"What? Did I do something to offend you?"

"No, idiot. I was _purring__._"

Regulus face went from concerned to self-satisfied. "Well, then, we were doing it right, weren't we?"

Harry made a face and turned to Severus. "From now on I just have to imagine this when I have to pretend to hate you, and I'll win an Oscar for my performance every time."

* * *

On the Astronomy Tower at the end of the year, Harry heeded Severus's plea to keep quiet, and let Dumbledore die as planned. By that point, Harry would have happily thrown the old man off the tower himself. He used all this anger to make the Weasleys believe he truly hated Snape.

To keep Regulus safe, Crookshanks spent the next year in Australia. The clever plan had been devised by all the Grangers along with Severus. Her parents might need a wand around, and Regulus would no doubt be killed on the spot, should his true identity ever be discovered by Death-eaters. Meanwhile, Hermione was bound by Dumbledore's rather uninspired plans.

* * *

"What do you mean, you aren't interested?" Ron bellowed. He was quite certain she would acquiesce if just to keep him quiet at dinner in the Great Hall, shortly after the end of the war. He certainly wasn't expecting her revelations.

"There is someone else in my life, Ron. You will never match what he means to me!"

"You kissed me, in the corridor!"

"And because of that you started planning our future?" Hermione was incredulous."It was just a kiss of relief! And kissing you felt like kissing a dead fish! Kissing Harry feels better, and he's like a brother to me. Real kisses are more than just adrenaline and inappropriately wet tongues! They should make you want to purr!"

Ron gaped at her. When he finally came up with something to say, he croaked, "You're barmy. Probably going to end up married to that stupid, ugly Kneazle of yours."

When Hermione just grinned predatorily at that, Ron felt strangely uncomfortable. "Fine. I'll just go find a witch who appreciates me." He looked over his shoulder at her and proved that he didn't know when enough was enough all over again. "You're the one that's going to feel stupid when Ginny marries Harry, and I marry Lavender, and you are all alone, you crazy bint!"

He saw the flock of... "Merlin's underpants! I didn't know piranhas could fly!"

Hermione turned to see who had helped her. "No idea why he thinks I'm going to marry Ginny," Harry said, twirling his wand. "She's a bit unhinged. Prefer blondes, if you want to know the truth."

"Oh, Harry. You are unbelievable. But blondes? Luna? Draco?"

"Luna. But I'm thinking I may have to fight Neville off to get her."

"Nah. I like her just fine, but she has her heart set on you," interjected Neville, who'd watched the altercation from the sidelines. "Nice bit of flying carnivorous fish, by the way."

"AAAAAAAAGHGHGGHGGHGH!" Ron ran by, stumbling from the effort of running up and down the staircases twice in three minutes, and still being chased by the hungry fish.

"So, shall we head to Black Island, and collect our respective relatives and mates?" Harry asked.

"Can I come, too?" begged Neville.

The others nodded.

As they walked out of the castle, they passed Ginny – kissing Draco Malfoy while the press snapped pictures.

"Guess I'm not the only one who prefers blondes," mused Harry.

The minute Hermione stepped out of the Apparition foyer in the house on Black Island, she was swept into Regulus's arms.

They were kissing so passionately, the rest of the people on the island quite obviously forgotten in their joy to be together again.

Neville looked around. The middle-aged couple were probably Hermione's parents. Then there was a very much alive Sirius Black and an equally not-dead Severus Snape, as well as a thoroughly whole and hearty Remus Lupin with his wife and son and...

_What __was __that__?_ Neville turned around.

"Are they purring?" he asked incredulously.

The group burst into laughter.

Hermione and Regulus just kept kissing.


End file.
